Published on November 16th, 2012 | by PRESENCE0
Only If You Ask Nicely
Matt and Sam are a crime-fighting wizard duo, armed with one-liners and zingers that make ‘90s sitcoms blush.
Okay, so maybe the first part isn’t true, but I’ll be damned if they don’t at least fit the bill as wacky and outright humorous. Stopbeingapud.com is where they put their adventures, quips and musings to the pen.
My dictaphone lays eagerly on the table as I pick out a seat. Scanning the room, I notice various recording paraphernalia littering the Pud boys’ self-fashioned recording studio where the latest episode of Dick Long: Time Detective was just recorded.
So let’s start easy. What exactly is a Pud?
“You hate this already,” Matt says, peering over at his comedic other half. Ignoring the comment, Sam responds to the question at hand.
“Short answer is it’s another word for dick,” he says.
“But not like a willy,” clarifies Matt. “More like an idiot, or a fool. It’s like us.”
He chuckles to himself, pleased at what would be the first of his many jibes throughout the afternoon. Word from the lads is that it all started at an old apartment where they left the dictaphone in the lounge, shouted in their rooms for half an hour and called it a podcast.
“We never really did anything with it. It was more like glorified audio porn that we could listen to by ourselves.”
Figuring I’d ease them in, I ask the boys to describe themselves.
“Sam and I are entrepreneurs,” starts Matt.
“Don’t say that,” Sam remonstrates with ardour. “Heaps of our mates want to do something creative – whether it’s sing or paint or write, and nobody ever fucking does it.
“So we had the idea that if we actually started something, then people will want to join in eventually. Most of the early stuff was just carbon copies of emails we used to send to each other… about girls we couldn’t date.”
The hipster poetry series The Many Kinds of Girls You’ll Never Date and the eerily relatable soliloquies lamenting nights on the town all grew from there.
To make it interesting, I ask them to try describing each other. Sam leans back and starts up.
“Matt’s really good with pop culture references, and being critical of it – but they’re not really criticisms.”
Matt takes over. “With Sam, it’s like… let’s say the suicide note is on the last page of the diary,” he muses, while Sam almost splits his sides with laughter.
“He’s always teetering on that tenth-to-last page… in a good way. ‘Cause I keep putting in more pages.”
The duo exchange opinions, with the back-and-forth banter frequently erupting into laughing fits shared by the room.
“Yeah, I love this thing Sam wrote about when he was on a date. It’s not that he doesn’t say much, it’s just that all the stuff is in his head. Then when he does try and vocalise it, it sounds really weird,” says Matt.
Putting on Sam’s voice, he mimics, “Hey do you reckon a guitar string could hold my weight?”
Flicking through my list of questions, I bring up one about the more “interesting” ways people have reacted to their work. Sam moves forward and keenly starts a story.
“It was our first time trying to do something with other people involved and we wanted to do vox pops at D.O.C. We spent the night before coming up with questions that were just taking the piss.”
Matt takes over. “So basically, this one girl called us on our shit. Somehow she ended up saying that all any man wants to do is go down the back alley and finger a girl, and Sam just lost his shit at her.”
Glancing back at the recording gear, I decide to bring up the star of their radio show: Dick Long, Time Detective. I ask how the character come along… and is the pun really that obvious?
After writing a couple of pages in his living room, Matt had the content but lacked the title. Dick’s a fairly straightforward detective name, and it stuck.
“It’s a personal joke that he’s Richard Long from the news,” he explains.
When I asked what they thought about having Dick Long on bFM, the response was “Hoshit, we’re rockstars!”
Next up comes a lengthy rant about their favourite elements of pop culture. Thoughts on tumblr wave? Matt almost waves the question away.
“It’s terrible music that you have to like if you want to be cool.”
Kreayshawn? “She’s got a decent bukkake face, but the music’s shit.”
We trawl through a list of bands and Sam takes the wheel.
“It reminds me so much of Krautrock without the weird oppressive conditions. It’s people finding a new democratic technology and doing something which I think will be culturally quite important with it.”
Matt bursts into laughter, nearly spilling his drink.
“See! That’s the difference! I don’t like it because I think it’s dumb. And then Sam pulls this intellectual shit out.”
Matt’s tirade builds up steam.
“Yeah, I didn’t get to watch cartoons as a kid. Does this all make sense now?”
Sam nods his head at Matt in fervent approval.
The thought runs through my head that the crux of this whole Pud jam could just be the tragic remnants of teenage rebellion latently manifesting itself in print. Ah fuck, at least they’re funny.
“And now I’ve got tattoos of cartoons… take that mom!”
Article by Josh Ling
Photography by Alex Mcvinnie
Design by Sam Wieck