Charlotte Red and Anna BW’s Laneway review

Charlotte Red and Anna BW’s Unsolicited, Unnecessary, and Unobjective Laneway 2013

1. Cloud Nothings

Nothing happening for me here. Would potentially pity-fuck the drummer. Lead singer looks like he would ask you for a hand job. Or worse, would ask you to ‘return the favour.’ It’s not a favour if you have to return it, dick. @anna_bw

2. A Place To Bury Strangers. 

At the time, I made a filthy joke about what the drummer could bury me in, but I have now retracted the joke for the sake of honesty and journalistic integrity. I made the joke because it was funny, not because it was true.

Now confused because he looks like a member of Grizzly Bear and even that retracted joke feels like beastiality. @anna_bw

3. Brian from Japandroids.

Brian came on stage in a wet white tee and then kept grinning and being the most good-looking nice-guy android ever.

Would. Do. Anything. @anna_bw

4. Jessie Ware.

Ware was a slow burner for me. At first, I thought. Pretty, but boring. But oh my god, her skin is amazing. I just wanna rub my cheek against her upper arm forever. @anna_bw

5. Natasha

(Bat for Lashes) but only in that dress. Worried she would start talking about birds and wild winds and moonlight. Hush, Natasha. @anna_bw

6. Nicholaas Jaar

Yes. Amazing. Amaaaazing.

All is music sounds like his personal sex theme tune. I’m pretty sure he’d play his own music during sex. I’m OK with that. @anna_bw


1. The drummer of Cloud Nothings

But it’s only the first band of the day, expectations optimistic, still in that excited yay-festie stage. ? Cloud Nothings singer but he makes a weird noise on stage, not convinced that he wouldn’t do that during sex too. What Anna said re: hand jobs. @totescharlred

2. The drummer of A Place To Bury Strangers

Ditto Anna.

Honourable Mention: Dion, bassist: if he can break two basses imagine what he can do to a vagina. @totescharlred

3. Brian, singer/guitar in Japandroids

So nice to the crowd, a lot of energy, would totally go there no matter how many ‘technical difficulties’ he had. @totescharlred

4. Flume

Is a computer the sexiest instrument? @totescharlred

5. Jessie Ware

This girl was wearing NO UNDERWEAR. She is NIGELLA sexy. If only she had said something about ‘lashings of cream’ instead of all that ‘Awroight, geezah?’ business. @totescharlred

6. Nicholas Jaar

At the top of my list because of that thing he does with the BPM, starting it at 125 and then slowing it down to 70… Gosh, I can’t tell you why but it is just. So. Sexy. @totescharlred

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Started in 2008, PRESENCE ZINE (originally called Presence Magazine) is a window into a lifestyle of bohemian coolness. It is for people looking for something new: bands, writers, comedy, photography, fashion designers and artists.

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